


The Spoon

by rorywritesstuff



Category: Young Avengers (Comics)
Genre: Chores, Comedy, Housework, M/M, Screenplay/Script Format, Washing up, argument
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 17:44:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15846213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rorywritesstuff/pseuds/rorywritesstuff
Summary: Billy and Teddy fight over a spoon.





	The Spoon

The Mammoth Washing-Up  
(The kitchen. There is a huge pile of plates, pans, glasses, mugs, etc. BILLY stands at the sink, doing the last fork. TEDDY walks in.)  
TEDDY:  
Holy pots and pans, Batman!  
BILLY:  
I know.  
TEDDY:  
How many things are there?  
BILLY:  
I didn't count, I just washed.  
TEDDY:  
How long did these take?   
BILLY:  
Seven hours and forty three minutes.   
TEDDY:  
Well done.  
BILLY:  
Yes. Yes, it was. I am a hero.  
TEDDY:  
You are.  
BILLY:  
You should thank me.  
TEDDY:  
Thank you.  
BILLY:  
You should praise me.  
TEDDY:  
You are wonderful.  
BILLY:  
You should dance for me.  
(TEDDY does an awkward jig.)  
Insincere. Three out of ten. But I accept it.  
TEDDY:  
I didn't realise there were that many things that needed washing.  
BILLY:  
We used lots of stuff last night and there was some stuff from the day before and there are a couple of plates that I realised the dishwasher wasn't doing properly and then I decided to just wash all the kitchenware we own, so we know that everything is clean. And then I did that.  
TEDDY:  
Well, it's very impressive. I am in awe.  
BILLY:  
Look at my hands.  
(BILLY presents his hands for inspection.)  
They're fifty years older than the rest of me.  
TEDDY:  
That's gross. But admirable.   
BILLY:  
And it's not my turn again for, like, twenty washing up sessions.  
TEDDY:  
Fair. Fair. Make you a cup of tea?  
BILLY:  
Suck my cock?  
TEDDY:  
Okay.   
(They turn away from the sink. TEDDY steps on a spoon.)  
Oh, you missed something.  
(BILLY's eyes twitches.)  
It's okay, we can just wait until the next washing-up session.  
BILLY:  
No. No. No. No. I wanted everything done. I wanted to know that the kitchenware was clean.   
TEDDY:  
Okay, so do this one quickly.   
BILLY:  
I shouldn't have to do it. It's not my turn.  
TEDDY:  
But then you've done all the washing up. All of it.   
BILLY:  
I can't. I can't!  
TEDDY:  
Don't you want that sense of completion?  
BILLY:  
No. I want you to do it.  
TEDDY:  
I will.  
BILLY:  
Wait, you're not counting that as one of your turns, are you?  
TEDDY:  
Of course.  
BILLY:  
It's one spoon!  
TEDDY:  
It's still a session.  
BILLY:  
I did everything!  
TEDDY:  
You didn't have to. Half of those things didn't need washing.  
BILLY:  
You didn't see them.   
TEDDY:  
Yes, I did. We used them every day.   
BILLY:  
So they needed washing properly.  
TEDDY:  
No, you just got paranoid.  
BILLY:  
I'm not counting one spoon as a washing up session.  
TEDDY:  
Then I'm not washing it.  
BILLY:  
Fine.   
TEDDY:  
Oh no, you can't stand that. You can't have a kitchen where everything's clean except one spoon. You can't leave it.  
BILLY:  
No, I can't. You should wash it.  
TEDDY:  
Fine.  
BILLY:  
But not count it.  
TEDDY:  
No.  
BILLY:  
Look at my hands!  
TEDDY:  
Exactly! I don't want that to happen to me. You're already tainted. You could do the spoon.  
BILLY:  
I slaved for hours.  
TEDDY:  
You made yourself do it. It was your choice.   
BILLY:  
There were dishes in the sink.  
TEDDY:  
You did more than what was in the sink. You took on extra work. Don't blame that on me.  
BILLY:  
I made the house nice.  
TEDDY:  
The house was nice enough.  
BILLY:  
Enough? Enough? Enough is not a word!  
(Pause.)  
TEDDY:  
What?  
BILLY:  
Do the spoon!  
TEDDY:  
No!  
BILLY:  
Fine! You're gonna count doing one spoon as a washing up session, then I'll just give you some extra dishes to make sure I'm getting my money's worth.  
(BILLY goes to the cupboard and pulls out chocolate sauce and holds it over the plates. TEDDY folds his arms.)  
TEDDY:  
Do it.  
BILLY:  
I will.  
TEDDY:  
You won't.  
BILLY:  
I will.  
TEDDY:  
You don't have the guts.  
BILLY:  
Watch me.  
TEDDY:  
You'd undo all your hard work.  
BILLY:  
I'd rather it be undone than give it over to a lazy jerk.  
TEDDY:  
Whatever.   
(BILLY squirts chocolate sauce all over the clean plates and then freezes.)  
BILLY:  
What have I done?  
TEDDY:  
Seven hours and forty three minutes for nothing.  
BILLY:  
No! No! No!  
(BILLY drops to his knees, TEDDY shakes his head and leaves in disgust.)  
Wait, it's still your turn!


End file.
